"K" is for Kabbalah

I have begun a study of Kabbalah. Or maybe, more accurately, Qabalah with a "Q", as it is the hermetic form of Kabbalah that interests me most.

As I am merely a beginning student (and will probably consider myself so even after years of study), I don't have many words of wisdom to impart! So  instead,  for this week's Pagan Blog Project entry, I post a few images of Kabbalah that caught my eye:

"J" is for: Is it My Job?

I’ve received many responses to my post  A Witch Who Cannot Hex, Cannot Heal, (“H” for the Pagan Blog Project). The majority have been supportive and positive. Some people have even said that they have felt liberated by what I said. Wow! Other people have disagreed, and that’s fine. Not everyone is going to be comfortable with the ideas in the post.

But one argument stands out for me as totally absurd: that I shouldn't write these things because  it will give the rest of the world the wrong impression about Witches; that it only confirms to the world that Witches are all about curses, people will take it the wrong way...Etc.

Oh, please! Why should I be responsible for what other people think? I can’t control that. It’s not my job to try. I don't represent all Witches everywhere, and though yes, I expect that my words could influence thought, its not my job to control the outcome of this influence. I am reminded  of what’s been said a thousand times to LGBT people by other LGBT people: that they should modify their behavior (i.e. not be too “flamboyant” or demonstrative) in order to be “accepted” by society. Oh yank, yank, yank. How does that usually turn out? The same has been said to every oppressed group in history, from women to African Americans, to indigenous tribes everywhere, to Witches.

For this week’s Pagan Blog Project post, I am inspired to write for “J”: “Is it my ‘Job’?”.

My job, and the job of Witches, is to answer to our higher selves, and to embrace our CALLING. Not to obsess about what the neighbors will think. I am not saying that sometimes it is not necessary to stay on the down low for self-protection. That is survival, and I get that. But to be less than oneself in order to “accepted”? Ha! News flash ya’ll: if you have to make yourself smaller for anyone, they’re not going to accept you anyway. That’s how it is, that’s how it’s always been, and that is how it will be. Don’t you think that the witches who were hung and burned thought about modifying their behavior to get along before they ended up on the stake or gallows? Don’t you think that many tried this to see if maybe they could be “accepted”? Besides, you’re not being accepted if you are changing who you are. Some charade that you are acting out is being merely tolerated.

I had a long conversation with Laurie Cabot the other day, as we were preparing for my interview with her about her days as a Bellydancer. (interview to appear in Belly Dance New England magazine soon!) We talked about this idea of one’s calling, and how it is essential that, in order to be truly empowered to answer a calling, one MUST NOT entertain the smallness of some minds. To do so is pointless and a waste of energy. Laurie Cabot is one who has sacrificed a great deal to be true to herself as a Witch, as an artist, and as a woman over many decades. Though she has paid the price, she still felt that it was essential, for true sovereignty over one’s life as a Witch and/or simply as a human being, that we not expend energy what “those people” say.

Jungian psychologist James Hillman, in his book The Soul’s Code: In Search of Character and Calling, talks a great deal about the dangers of not answering the call that comes from within. He says that we are all born with an “acorn” (seed) or “daimon” (not demon, read carefully, please). He asserts that when the daimon within is thwarted for whatever reason (“acceptance” by society? “Sacrificing” for the “sake of the kids”?) the person becomes twisted up and passes this fucked-up-ness down into the next generations. He says that in order to have a healthy, empowered life, one must answer the calling fully. This is not a selfish act; on the contrary, it creates an empowered path to health that is then passed down to those who come after. And check it out: we then become the best elders and ancestors we can be! How about it? Win-win.

Whatever our stance on hexing and healing, I think that it’s a waste of time for any of us to hold back our ideas and feelings just because “we’re not accepted in society yet.” Seriously? How long should we wait? I’m not holding my breath. I’m going to set my intention to do my real job, which is to be myself, fully and lovingly. Acceptance starts within.

And as within, so without.

Happy May Day! A Blessed Beltaine to you!!!

Blessed Beltaine to all my friends near and far! And a very blessed Samhain to my friends in the southern half of  Gaia.

I am loving this video slideshow of the Betaine Fire Festival  in Edinburgh, Scotland, and I intend to make it my business to be there next year!




Love and Eros,
Aepril

Hekate, and Aiming Above Morality

Tonight is the Dark of the Moon. It is Hekate's time.

I work with Hekate tonight. She has called me to that. Her call is unmistakable to me, like the time at Winter Solstice 2011 when I stood outside at the crossroads, the liminal space where all is possible and ghosts dwell. Here in Salem, there was an odd winter thunderstorm, and the thunder clapped and boomed, and lightning flashed. Hekate blew the wind through my damp hair, lovingly hissing that yes, change is coming, yes it is. Use your power. Do not pull punches now. Curse, elbow, cut, hex, do what you have to. I'm counting on you to find your way.

The Sun stood still.

And then the Son was born during the night, amid the thunder and wind and rain. And I, one person among billions in the world, felt the awesome power of this difficult birth. Hecate, goddess overseeing childbirth, merged with the Black Madonna for me. The Dark Goddess as One, they were, we were, the Night giving birth to the Divine Child.

We are all the Dark. We are all the Divine Child. We are always both, and contain both within.

The Dark Moon is tonight.Hekate's time.

 The dark moon is a perfect time for divination. And so I pulled a card from the Dion Fortune deck. It was the Ace of Wands, "ROOT OF THE POWERS OF FIRE". The caduceus is shining, with the Sun sitting on top. The card is inspiration and creativity, of living spontaneously and owning power. It is a symbol of psychopomp Mercury, who, like Hekate, is a liminal divinity.

I think of trickster Maude's statement in the 70's cult movie Harold and Maude, " Vice, Virtue. It's best not to be too moral. You cheat yourself out of too much life. Aim above morality. If you apply that to life, then you're bound to live life fully.".

I will go and be with this Goddess tonight. I like Her darkness, and Her liminality. I shall accept change, I own my power, and I aim above morality, so I may live more fully.

I leave you with this video by Hekate devotee Jade Sol Luna, called "Witch Moon". I appear in it as Hekate several times, dancing.




Hail Hekate!

A Witch Who Cannot Hex, Cannot Heal ("H" is for Hexing and Healing)

“A Witch who Cannot Hex, Cannot Heal…”.
 This statement is often met with a sharp intake of breath, as though the utterance of the statement is in itself a curse.

  But don’t you know about the threefold law? I do know that some people believe in that law, but I do not. Experience has shown me that there are laws in Nature of cause and effect, that there is the power of intention and attraction, and that all things are interconnected. Nature is not moral; She just IS. She wants balance most of all.

 I think of Jung’s concept of The Shadow. We all have it; we all have dark unconscious material that exists inside the psyche, places that we cannot or will not accept. Places that we’ve pushed down, or shut out, or just don’t know are there, but guide and inform our actions nonetheless.

 I think that if one is to do magick well and with real ovarios, one must be able to truly see oneself authentically. Otherwise there is too much unconscious shadow in the working. If one sees oneself as a practitioner of Light and Healing only, then its almost 100% likely that there is a lot of shadow material present. No one is all light and goodness. To see oneself in this way is willful naiveté. It’s also dangerous. The brightest light casts the darkest shadow.

 I think that in order to be a powerful, empowered Witch, one has to be aware of, and accept, Shadow. We have to know that we have Shadow, and to embrace this part of ourselves. A Witch who is worth her salt must be able to travel into the Underworld and deal with the Shades and Shadows who live there. Like Persephone, we all must become initiated Queen in our own personal Underworld spaces.

 Part of the job of the Queen of Darkness is the ability to curse. It’s just a part of the deal. We must have the balls to use this power sometimes. Not a lot. Not every time someone gives us a hard time. But when it counts, we need to know what we are doing. And we can’t be guilty or ashamed about it. It needs to be owned.

 Because of the laws of Nature, we curse knowing that it will come back to us. "When you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you."--Friedrich Nietzsche. We lose innocence. Maybe more. But this is the part that takes courage. This is the sacrifice.

 Scorpio, the 8th sign of the Zodiac and ruled by Pluto (Persephone), is the sign that deals with both hexing and healing. Scorpio natives are known for being the best in the Zodiac at seeing deeply into any situation. When unevolved, Scorpio can be all too ready with her stinger when she feels crossed. Then, maybe the need for a new way to handle things comes along, a need to integrate the dark psyche to become more whole emerges. There can be resistance, swinging the other way, a time of going through a “no, not me, I only use MY powers for good!” denial stage. But when evolved, she soars above resentment and denial, and uses her deep powers for knowing the right time for the right medicine.

 We all have Scorpio somewhere in our astrological charts, representing the area in which these transformations can happen.

 “Enlightenment is not imagining figures of light but making the darkness conscious.”--Carl Gustav Jung

I think of the veterinarian who has to euthanize the 4 legged. Or the surgeon who must cut into the body to get to the cancer. The friend who must tell the friend about the infidelity. The Fall that takes away the Summer, and the Winter that must give birth to the Spring. Where does the healing end and the hexing begin? And vice versa? They are two sides of the same thing.

Published as a participant in the Pagan Blog Project. This week's theme is "H". 

“F” is for the Goddess Flora, and Flowers.

Spring has come early to Salem, MA. Its only March, and we’ve had many summery days already.

Next week I will be having artist Sharonn Bradbury of Witch City Ink complete my tattoo of flowers along both side of my hips and belly. We chose to do Lilies, a flower of remembrance, grieving, beauty, and also of the Goddess Lilith.

Last fall, my sister died. Not long after that, my friend and fellow bellydance artist Jeniviva Mia passed away. Both were about the same age. It was a devastating time, and my heart still hurts.

My flowers are for the mourning.

Both sister women had memorials, but in different ways. My sister was memorialized in the Black Forest of Germany during a trip where I taught and performed at Tribalfestival Offenberg. I was honored to have the support of a group of people who worked with me on a Samhain ritual. We honored the Dead by the fires in the night in the Black Forest.
Article about the ritual in hagalla Magazine.(in German)
My blog post about Germany and the Black Forest.

My friend was memorialized through a bellydance show and public ritual here in Salem, where she had twice came up from NYC to teach and perform.

My flowers are for the Dead.

Almost 5 months later, It is now Spring. The Goddess Flora is here with us already. Though her time is not “officially” until Beltaine, she is still popping up everywhere in the warm New England weather. Flora is a goddess of sex and pleasure, as well as flowers. She also has a history of honoring the Dead.

Flowers are for Death…and Eros and Rebirth.

My flowers are for the knowing that all are reborn. And all acts of Love and Pleasure are the rituals of the Goddess. That beauty is found everywhere, even–or especially--in grief and broken hearts. The flowers will move on my belly as I bellydance, continuing to explore the Mysteries of sex, love, death, transformation, spirit, beauty, darkness and light, through my art.

I have created this post as a participant in the Pagan Blog Project. 

“F” is for Forest Witch

The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness.

John Muir

I am a Shamanic Witch, and my love is the Forest. 

The Forest is symbolic of the unconscious and its mysteries. It is an entryway into the Lower world, the world of shadow and transformation. In fairytales, the heroic Princess often has to travel the forest to transform herself. She meets here the Baba Yaga, the challenging Hag, the Evil Queen, the Dark Goddess, The Black Madonna, Our Lady of the Dark Forest, Our Lady of the Great Place Below…

As I continue to explore in life, I am the naïve Princess, still. And, as an initiate of the Mysteries of the Descent, I am the dark challenging Witch as well. Both sides of me roam the Wood, in the daytime and the Night, under the New Moon, the full, and the Dark. 

 I am Raven totem; the photos posted here by Pamela Joye show a ritual done in the Salem Woods under the influence of the Crow Moon. I wear a skirt by Wings of Sin depicting the Full Moon with the Black Corvid Goddess. I am The Morrigan.

 The Moon that day was in Virgo. Virgo is Virgin, “whole unto the self”. I am the Black Madonna, Our Lady of the Black Woods. She is "black, but comely", as in the Song of Songs. The unknown one. 

Spirit of Wind blesses and clears

Calling the Quarters

Bowing to the Black Madonna

I chose this time to do Magick that protects and heals, that clears away that which no longer serves, that purifies. To this end, the Great Wind Spirits, element of air, blew with mighty force, clearing away all that was destructive to this Wood. 

 The Witch of the East pulled off my hair ornaments and blew them away, challenging my vanity. 

I walk the Forest; I hold my hands in prayer for the dispossessed, the ones who can’t speak for themselves. The Coyotes who live in this Woods, raising families and hunting for food. They are vilified, but they are here because they belong; they take the place of the Wolf who once lived here. It is the absence of the Wolf that has caused the debilitating Lyme’s disease; the Wood has its lessons, if we but listen. It is the Black Madonna that holds the Coyote and Wolf close in Her arms, protecting, respecting, cherishing.

I speak with the Spirits of the Invisisbles, the Ancestors who lived in this Forest as Natives to this land. I can only guess at and envision your powerful magic and medicine.

Also to the Fae, who live and play in this Wood.

Come away, O human child!

To the waters and the wild
With a faery hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.
~William Butler Yeats, "The Stolen Child"

The Dark Lady is also Mother to the Swans and Geese at the Forest Estuary. She protects and provides for them. And the singing birds in the trees. And the trees themselves; it is said that those who understand the trees, understands herself.  Here is where the World Tree lives. All of us ARE the World Tree, and we do best to protect and love the Forest and Her gifts, to love ourselves in our complexity. 

The Forest is a kind of sanctuary, a place to become whole again. Entry in the Online Etymology Dictionary: sanctuary 

mid-14c., "...set apart for holy worship," from Anglo-Fr. sentuarie, from O.Fr. sainctuarie, from L.L. sanctuarium "a sacred place, shrine"... . General (non-ecclesiastical) sense of "place of refuge or protection" is attested from 1560s; as "land set aside for wild plants or animals to breed and live" 

Many Blessings on you, O Great Forest!

Spiritual Dance

I was recently asked by a friend over tea: (paraphrased) How does your spirituality influence your bellydancing? 

I answer this question differently every time I'm asked, revealing its complex and fluid nature. And it's a subject that is of great import to me. 

My forthcoming Bellydance DVD, Theatre of the Dark Goddess, deals with many threads involved in the relationship between spirit and dance. But some thoughts after reading this Wikipedia:

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 Spirituality can refer to an ultimate or an alleged immaterial reality;^[1] an inner path enabling a person to discover the essence of his/her being; or the “deepest values and meanings by which people live.”^[2] Spiritual practices, including meditation, prayer and contemplation, are intended to develop an individual's inner life; spiritual experience includes that of connectedness with a larger reality, yielding a more comprehensive self; with other individuals or the human community; with nature or the cosmos; or with the divine realm.^[3] Spirituality is often experienced as a source of inspiration or orientation in life.^[4] It can encompass belief in immaterial realities or experiences of the immanent or transcendent nature of the world.

Bellydance does indeed help me discover and rediscover my inner essence. And though its discipline and execution it is a spiritual practice. Drilling can turn into a meditation; the creation of choreography becomes a contemplation of inner archetypes. The act of creation is a ritual and a prayer. I pray to Thee, Great Goddess, that I might be a perfect conduit for your Divine Spirit.

Photo by Peter Paradise

I am most often trying to express what I experience in my inner world. As a shamanic artist I experience Underworld journey with all its shadows; it is my calling to transform the demons though my dance, giving them "voice" by being a medium for their wrath. It is shadow work--personal, yes, but collective as well.

Bellydance is ancient. It's modern form fuses back together the corporeal and the spiritual, as things were in times long ago. This is important to me. Bellydance has powerful healing properties--psychologically, physically, emotionally, spiritually. This healing power goes deeper than "body image" or self-esteem" only--it connects us back to our feminine center, the hara or place of power. I think that all of us hold in our collective unconscious "memories" of divine feminine power; Bellydance can connect us to that.

Bellydance is a great way to raise energy in ritual work! Perhaps this was part of its original purpose--to work as sympathetic magick for healthy childbirth and erotic power.

One of my first workshop teachers, Dunya of NYC, called her dance "Spiritual Bellydance". I love her great work, even--or especially--now. Her work combines the spirituality of Sufism with its whirling, with Bellydance. We were taught "Dancemeditation", a form of moving meditation that has strongly influenced the way I teach my own students the inner work of dance. It was Dunya's video that I watched over and over again to learn how to do her beautiful, graceful, fluid hand and arm work. She is a master who dances with a serenity, power and loveliness that is beyond compare.

The invisible world has much to do with dance; music itself is invisible! So is the spirit that moves us; I use dance to make my inner world visible. Some of it still stays invisible, but perceptible just the same. We have senses that perceive well beyond what the "five senses" can do; it is partly what we perceive with our other senses that gives dance--as experienced as audience and as dancer--its magic, its beauty, its feelings of sacred communion, and glamour. Spirit.  

I miss being a forest witch

I miss being a forest witch!

(Right after I wrote the above statement, a cacophony of crows and jays began calling! I love corvids!)

I love Salem, don't get me wrong. Witch City, indeed! But it's a suburb. I am wishing for more breathing room again. I would love more isolation, more room to be with the forest, listening and working and playing in it.

I've lived like this before...years ago. And while I don't want to be so far away as to give up the artistic and social culture that more populated places have to offer, I miss the voices and quiet of the woods.