Germany and Rome Travels: Part One

I am having such an INTENSE time!!!Where do I start?

Well, I suppose I should start at the beginning.… My arrival in Strasbourg, France (right across the border from Germany) was at 10:40 AM Europe time, so to me it felt like 4:40 AM. Yet, even after a long flight across the pond, and having to ride two buses to get to my plane in Paris that would take me to Strasbourg, I was wide awake when I arrived.  Upon landing there was a muder of crows on the tarmac. I took this as a very good omen.

At the airport, I was approached by a lovely woman who asked me if I was on my way to the tribal Festival in Offenburg. When I replied that I was, Christine of the Zafira tribal dance company introduced herself to me. (Wave to Christine! Hope to see you again soon!:))

Christine and I were greeted by a very sweet man who was there to pick us up and bring us to our respective hotels. Out the window of his taxi, we could see the farms of Southwest Germany, until we crossed the famous Rhine River. I was really here!

St. Ursula

I was taken to the Hotel Sonne in the heart of Offenburg. Hotel Sonne is one of the oldest hotels in Germany, if not in all of Europe. This hotel dates back to the 1300s, and the stone sculptures on its walls attest to this fact. My room was up high on the third floor; my window overlooking the town square with its patron saint Ursula at the very top of an obelisk, arms open to the residence of this beautiful medieval city. She reminded me of the goddess Mary, and I was glad to see her as I was very deep in mourning for my sister. I've lit many candles for her all over the sacred places in my travels. More about that later.

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The death of my sister was a great shadowy fact that was a deeply sewn into the fabric of this trip. In fact, today is her birthday. Her death was unexpected and she was very young. My sister had been sick for most of her adult life, but that she should die so suddenly was still a shock to everyone. To add to the devastating impact of this event, my family is not among those fortunate enough to have harmonious relationships. Generations of trouble and trauma have caused many rifts and much heartache. While some of us became closer and more compassionate with one another over this event, others chose to stubbornly reinforce their positions. It is a fact that causes great heartache, though I am glad my sister is finally free from it. I am lucky to have had her beauty and grace in my life, and her love. I am also lucky to have the love of my partner Mike, and all my friends who are my extended family.

Offenburg and the Black Forest

That Germany should be my destination for this trip was a perfect act of divine synchronicity. As it turns out this part of Germany is where my Schaile ancestors most likely originate. That makes me a child of the Swabian tribe , a people that live in or near the Black Forest. My visit to Germany coincided with the sacred holiday of Samhain, the time of connecting to the ancestors.


Surrounded by new friends I was part of a Samhain ritual outdoors, in front of the fire, at the edge of The Black Forest. My sweaters still smells like fire! I can't tell you how powerful this experience was for me of being in the black forest, near the land of my ancestors, asking them to watch over my sister and sending her light and love and peace. There are so much healing to be done, and the grandmothers were there to help. One of the participants brought this song:



Ihr Ahninnen, wir grussen euch

und reichen euch die Hand

wir setzen uns auf Geier's Schwingen

fliegen uber's Land



Die Spinne webt den Lebensfaden,

Perlen schnenkt der Tau.

Die Erde taucht Nebelschwaden

badet sich in grau



Die Blatter fallen auf das Land

ein Bett zur sanften Ruh

Die Dunkelheit hat uns erkannt

Und legt sich mit dazu



Die Erde zeiht sich nun zuruck

sie holt sich neue Kraft

Geschenkt wird uns ein tiefer Blick,

die Alte ruhrt den Saft





Rough English translation: (native German speakers feel free to correct!)



Ancestors, we are greeting you

and unto you extend our hands

we sit on vulture's wings

and fly over the Land



The spider weaves the thread of life,

Leaving pearls of dew.

The earth is shrouded in a mist

bathing in gray



The leaves fall on the Land

a bed of gentle peace

The Darkness has recognized us

And lies down with it



The earth is now calls us Back

she gets a new power

Gives us a deeper look,

The Old Woman stirs the sap





So Mote it Be



But I haven't told you yet about the Black Forest Tribal Festival! Claudia Dufner put on an amazing event and I can't wait to tell you about it! And, about the rest of my travels. But right now I am on my way to a ghost tour of Rome's dark side. More soon about Germany, and about Rome!

Samhain Travels!

I am getting ready. I am simultaneously getting ready for my DVD pre-release party, and for my trip to Europe for two Bellydance festivals.

I am both excited and melancholy. While the DVD did not get packaged in time for the party tonight--or the travels--I am still excited about its pending release. Theatre of the Dark Goddess has been a great labor of love, indeed. I am excited to be surrounded by friends tonight, and to share my work on a big screen. I am sad, too, because as much as I wanted it printed and in-hand for Samhain, the Goddess has willed it otherwise with her unexpected and strange obstacles. Her will is mine.

I am thrilled to be going to Germany. It is the home of my ancestors, and it is a place to which I have never been. I have been studying my family tree and finding out everything I can about the lives my ancestors led. And what better time to be going than Samhain, the time to honor Ancestors! The Black Forest, or Silva Negra as the Romans called it, is a fairy-tale place of magick and beauty. I am so looking forward to walking through its mysterious woods.

I will be in Europe throughout Samhain-tide (the time between Samhain and Yule). Not only will I be visiting Germany for the Black Forest Tribal Festival, but I will also be in Rome for Roma Tribal Meeting. Rome has a dark and juicy history, and I can't wait to explore. It is also home to many of the Greco-Roman Goddesses and Gods for whom I have long held devotion and reverance. I am of course dedicated to a pilgrimage to the home of Proserpina (Persephone) and Hecate.

Back to my preparations!

"Shamanic Bellydance" article

"Shamanic Bellydance" In Belly Dance New England - Featured Articles My article "Shamanic Bellydance" has been published! Please read.

4 years ago, Coda became spirit

Today is a special day. It's the four-year anniversary of Coda's passing into the world of spirit. This is always a very emotionally charged day for me. Coda's passing was difficult. Yet each anniversary I feel in awe of the powers of Nature, the beauty of impermanence, the importance of being here in the Now, like Coda was.

Mike and I spend the night of September 1 with the candles on Coda's altar lit. We tell each other stories about Coda, laughing and crying. I do most of the crying, Mike does a lot of comforting.

Today I spent the afternoon in the woods at the Ipswich River Wildlife Sanctuary. On the day of the anniversary, we spend the day doing things that Coda would've liked to do, like walking the trail and listening to the birds, the wind, and the flow of the river. I invite his spirit to join me if it is as he wishes. Certainly, he was with me today.

Grief and loss are unpredictable in that one can walk through life not feeling grief intensely, and then suddenly something comes along like an anniversary and it hits hard. Coda is never far from my thoughts, but these anniversaries are always very intense. He was my soul-mate. My Cerberus. My wolf-guardian. My child.

I let Coda 's spirit know that he is always loved, never forgotten, and never replaced.

I have resolved that I'm going to invite a new four-legged into our family. After four years, I am ready. We are thinking that we will do this around Yule/Christmas time. No one will ever replace Coda. But, I'm ready to open my heart to loving someone new.

Our time on earth might be finite, but Love is infinite.

The Dead Sea: Butoh

An audience member at a show I once performed at told me that my dance performance remided her of the Japanese art of Butoh.

Knowing little about Butoh, I decided to learn more. A few months back I found this beautiful video of the artist Kazuo Ono who was at least in his 80's at the time.

Info from "bobdena" on YouTube:
A short clip of butoh's co-founder Kazuo Ono dancing. Date unknown, approximately 1980, from the documentary Dance of Darkness by Edin Velez.

Kazuo Ohno passed away June 1, 2010, at the age of 103. We lost a great man and a great light to dancers and performers around the world. May we all be blessed with a life as full and rewarding as his was.

Witch Dance

I love this piece Witch Dance, the one for which Mary Wigman is of course most famous. The German Expressionists certainly knew how to do shadow material!

Spiritual Dance

I was recently asked by a friend over tea: (paraphrased) How does your spirituality influence your bellydancing? 

I answer this question differently every time I'm asked, revealing its complex and fluid nature. And it's a subject that is of great import to me. 

My forthcoming Bellydance DVD, Theatre of the Dark Goddess, deals with many threads involved in the relationship between spirit and dance. But some thoughts after reading this Wikipedia:

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 Spirituality can refer to an ultimate or an alleged immaterial reality;^[1] an inner path enabling a person to discover the essence of his/her being; or the “deepest values and meanings by which people live.”^[2] Spiritual practices, including meditation, prayer and contemplation, are intended to develop an individual's inner life; spiritual experience includes that of connectedness with a larger reality, yielding a more comprehensive self; with other individuals or the human community; with nature or the cosmos; or with the divine realm.^[3] Spirituality is often experienced as a source of inspiration or orientation in life.^[4] It can encompass belief in immaterial realities or experiences of the immanent or transcendent nature of the world.

Bellydance does indeed help me discover and rediscover my inner essence. And though its discipline and execution it is a spiritual practice. Drilling can turn into a meditation; the creation of choreography becomes a contemplation of inner archetypes. The act of creation is a ritual and a prayer. I pray to Thee, Great Goddess, that I might be a perfect conduit for your Divine Spirit.

Photo by Peter Paradise

I am most often trying to express what I experience in my inner world. As a shamanic artist I experience Underworld journey with all its shadows; it is my calling to transform the demons though my dance, giving them "voice" by being a medium for their wrath. It is shadow work--personal, yes, but collective as well.

Bellydance is ancient. It's modern form fuses back together the corporeal and the spiritual, as things were in times long ago. This is important to me. Bellydance has powerful healing properties--psychologically, physically, emotionally, spiritually. This healing power goes deeper than "body image" or self-esteem" only--it connects us back to our feminine center, the hara or place of power. I think that all of us hold in our collective unconscious "memories" of divine feminine power; Bellydance can connect us to that.

Bellydance is a great way to raise energy in ritual work! Perhaps this was part of its original purpose--to work as sympathetic magick for healthy childbirth and erotic power.

One of my first workshop teachers, Dunya of NYC, called her dance "Spiritual Bellydance". I love her great work, even--or especially--now. Her work combines the spirituality of Sufism with its whirling, with Bellydance. We were taught "Dancemeditation", a form of moving meditation that has strongly influenced the way I teach my own students the inner work of dance. It was Dunya's video that I watched over and over again to learn how to do her beautiful, graceful, fluid hand and arm work. She is a master who dances with a serenity, power and loveliness that is beyond compare.

The invisible world has much to do with dance; music itself is invisible! So is the spirit that moves us; I use dance to make my inner world visible. Some of it still stays invisible, but perceptible just the same. We have senses that perceive well beyond what the "five senses" can do; it is partly what we perceive with our other senses that gives dance--as experienced as audience and as dancer--its magic, its beauty, its feelings of sacred communion, and glamour. Spirit.  

Winslow Farm Animal Sanctuary

On Friday, Mike and I went to Winslow Farm Animal Sanctuary.

I've wanted to visit ever since I saw a spotlight on the place on NECN; it showed a peaceful place full of love for the rescued animals that resided there. Located in Norton, MA, Winslow cares for goats, horses, cats, dogs, peacocks, pigs, geese, doves, chickens, turtles, donkeys, lamas, alpacas, sheep, emus---all rescues, often from horrendous conditions. On the NECN feature, classical music played throughout the 16 acre sanctuary. On the day that I visited, the music of choice was Native American flute, encouraging serenity and healing.

Sturbridge with Goat

I of course fell in love with just about everyone I met. One of my first encounters was with a sheep named Sturbridge. Friendly and outgoing, he walked along with us on our tour of the farm. A lover of food and lots of it, he asked us a few times about maybe helping him out with some extra goodies. He later got into a scuffle with staff in the cat sanctuary when he tried to help himself to cat food. Hey, the goats were in there with the cats, why not him, too? "Out, Sturbridge!"

But wait...Why were the goats in the cat sanctuary? Well, as it happens, one of the goats was born there before it was a place for cats. He felt comfortable in this little house, so the goat stays.

This is the way it is throughout the Sanctuary: dogs hanging out with peacocks, cats with goats, lamas with geese, horses with emus. And more than amicably. In fact, many cross species friendships develop---for instance, one miniature horse loves the emus and enjoys walking with them side by side. They are quite a couple.

 Apparently there is always something new and surprising in the relationships between the residents. At one point we witnessed two doves sitting on the back of a peacock. Just hanging there. At the time we happened to be chatting with Debra, the modern St Francis who built the farm and has cared non-stop for these creatures for 25 years; when this happened between the birds, even she marveled and said she'd never seen that before. A sign of peace and beauty maybe.

Peacock on goat house

Not all is peace though. We did happen to witness a comedic duel between two emus. Well, OK, comedic to us, but serious business for the birds! The emus get along throughout the rest of the year, but come summer, watch out! It's mating season, and although there are no females at the farm to fight over, they still intend to keep their toe claws sharp and duke it out over territory. See video of staff breaking up the fisticuffs (no one got hurt!)

Emu video:
http://youtu.be/_Z7msJ1yxD4

Many of the stories are very sad. Like the ones who were nearly starved to death, or beaten, or lost limbs due to abuse or neglect. Some have psychological scars that are difficult to heal. A beautiful white cat named Spirit was left in a cage for 1 year with no room to move. When he was brought to the Sanctuary, he walked in circles for months, not sure how to use open space, not wanting to ever stop walking, not wanting to ever be confined again.

But these are survivors. A motley crew of the Goddess's creatures who got another chance and have taken it. Debra tries to find suitable happy homes for all before taking them into the Sanctuary; in this way she can keep the Sanctuary going for those who can't be placed elsewhere. But really, this is THE place to be for healing if you've got wings or four legs. Pandy the sheep dog, greeted us at the door, ready for action. At 13, she is so well cared for that she still loves the chase a pine-cone over and over to exhaustion.

Pandy (left)

The staff is all volunteer. The Sanctuary is run on fundraising and donations. They are also funded on admission fees ($7). Consider visiting :
Winslow Farm

37 Eddy Street
Norton, MA 02766-3513
(508) 285-6451

I miss being a forest witch

I miss being a forest witch!

(Right after I wrote the above statement, a cacophony of crows and jays began calling! I love corvids!)

I love Salem, don't get me wrong. Witch City, indeed! But it's a suburb. I am wishing for more breathing room again. I would love more isolation, more room to be with the forest, listening and working and playing in it.

I've lived like this before...years ago. And while I don't want to be so far away as to give up the artistic and social culture that more populated places have to offer, I miss the voices and quiet of the woods.

Prayer of St Francis, Patron saint of animals, nature, and the environment

I was reminded of The Prayer of St Francis as Mike and I stood by a statue of St Francis last night. It was a beautiful summer night, and our thoughts, as they often do, turned to Coda. Standing next to the Protector of animals and nature, my thoughts also turned to the animal sanctuary I hope to create someday.

The Prayer of St Francis was a consolation to me when Coda died almost 3 years ago. (St Francis's wolf died of old age, too.)

It is also a reminder to me that no matter how despairing I may feel about the health of the planet and cruelty toward animals (so-called "domestic and wild), it is my internal peace and the quality of my own heart and thoughts that will bring healing magick into the world. Staying centered in a loving heart best equips me to help and heal. I WILL be able to give more creatures a place to call home. Coda will help guide me, as will St Francis.

 Prayer of St Francis

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

Bellydance Costuming as Art

I recently read an interview in a national Bellydance mag with a respected and widely sought after Bellydance teacher and performer. When asked for advice she would impart to new dancers, she said (and I paraphrase) that one should spend more money learning the dance via workshops, classes and videos, than on costuming.

As a Bellydance teacher, I agree. Albeit with some reservation.

I agree, if one's main focus is on becoming an excellent Bellydancer. To become a Bellydancer with a capital "b", it takes years of dedication to learning the form, cultural context, history, and traditions of this dance. Correct technique, form and fitness are a must. One must attend shows and events to watch other dancers, and learn the difference between styles. It takes many years of study to become a master, and to find ones own voice.

So what is it that makes me uneasy about this idea that costuming should only come later, AFTER one has become an advanced dancer?

Well, let me tell you a bit about myself. I'm a Bellydancer, but I consider myself to be an Artist first. Bellydance is one medium that I use to express my inner world. (I'm also a musician, actor, poet, and I've been known to paint and sculpt once in a while, too.)

I'm a Shaman. It's my job in this incarnation to interpret the underworld and inner Archetypal landscape to the community. The medium is not the important thing; that's only the vehicle. I'M only the vehicle. It's more about the message; the content. It's about the embodiment of spirit, and communication between the invisibles and the audience.

For me, costuming is a major part of the art, part of the ritual. The making of the costuming is a part of a contemplative practice. Sometimes other people make the costumes for me (I'm bad at sewing) but in this case the envisioning of the costume is the art. What would The Morrigan wear to tell her story? How would She appear? I let Her tell me.

I spend many hours opening myself up to spirit, listening to what I'm being told. I also do a ton of research. Once an archetype talks to me, and I know that I will be performing her, I do my homework and find everything I can about her mythology and history. As a primarily right-brained person, I work with the symbols I find and make connections between them. It is in this way that I create my theatrical persona.

I then become this character. I practice being her. I practice being her walking down the street, etc. She becomes more and more solid this way. Once I hit the stage, I'm as ready as I can be to channel her.

Self-portrait as The Washer at the Ford

So, my orientation toward Bellydance has been different from many. I love this dance for its own sake, deeply and truly. But I do it as an Artist/Shaman first, not as a Bellydancer first. It took me many years to realize that fact fully; with all the pressure to become an expert on Middle Eastern culture, to be fully versed in every bit of dance vocabulary possible, to know all the drum rhythms and their names, to fit into the Bellydance community. I've had quite a journey, and I've learned who I am and who I am not: I am NOT a keeper of tradition, though I am well versed in it. I'm very glad that some people are keepers, but this is not my path. 

Yes, I think that technique and form are paramount to being a master dancer--how else could one tell a story well? My tools need to be effective and sharp, and that means continuing to improve my dance skills, honing my craft, making my work better and better. The more control, elegance and athleticism I can express with my body, the happier the archetype will be to speak through it.

Would I tell my students to work on their dance skills first, and only then spend their money on costuming?

Here's what I would say: If you aspire to be a dancer, you need to know how to dance. It is not OK to hop onstage with a great costume but not be able to dance well. Not if you want to call yourself Bellydancer. Whatever art form you use, you need to hone your craft before you present to the world.

HOWEVER, costuming and creating persona is an art form, too. It needn't come second. Creating costuming can help you find your voice, and give you impetus to learn technique. Beauty loves to show itself. But it requires right timing. Pay close attention to your body and its feelings; it will tell when you are ready. If you create a beautiful costume to wear, give your art what it deserves and dance it well. Or sing it well. Or act it well. If it is your inclination, be an artist on every level you can.

There are many valid approaches. For me, costuming is not decoration on what is essentially technical prowess, nor is it icing on the cake or anything like that. The movement needs to have meaning, the costume does, too. The art is made as a whole.

Grandmother

I was blessed with the opportunity to spend time with my Grandmother this past week.

Wednesday was her 92nd birthday.

My Grandmother is very sick. Physically worn-out, her body hurts. Her heart is sick with missing my Grandfather; they married when she was just 16. Now she says she is ready to go to God.

I feel helpless. Death and old age! I feel lost about how to give her more comfort, to help her find peace. And I feel angry--at Nature, for having us ever get old. Why this suffering?

The old and sick don't last like this in the wild. Is this elongated aging and dying the price we pay for domestication?

I had the chance to talk with her about our family. I asked her to tell me stories about herself and my Grandfather. I asked about her parents. I asked about my father--what was he like very young? She doesn't like to talk abut herself, but still I recieved her help for my current project of building our family tree.

In her youth, she was charismatic and magical, lovely. She was intense with piercing blue eyes. She worried a lot and cared for everyone. She was popular and charming and liked to drink and laugh. She is the family member from whom I inherited music; a dancer, she and my Grandfather danced together at contests and shows.

My Grandmother is still beautiful.

Great Goddess, Lady Mary, You to whom my Grandmother has prayed over her rosary so many times...please Lady, give her some comfort and peace.

Skeleton Woman: Solar Eclipse July 1, 2011

 Solar eclipses are wildcards. I happen to love wildcards (maybe because I have Uranus strong in my chart). One never knows exactly when the power of the solar eclipse is going to strike. It can happen days before during or after the eclipse event. To me this is part of its shadowy beauty.

 The chart for this Solar Eclipse shows a grand cross involving some very serious characters: Saturn, Lord of Time, Pluto, Lord of Death, Uranus, Lord of Change in the Sun and the Moon themselves. This is serious karmic business, almost apocalyptic in nature. Something will be born; something will have to die.

 The Sabian symbol for Friday's solar eclipse at 9° Cancer is: "A Small Naked Girl Bends Over A Pond Trying To Catch A Fish". Cancer rules the emotions; ruled by the Moon, she is a nighttime spirit. Perhaps the small girl is trying to catch a fish by moonlight? What kind of fish is she trying to catch and how deep is the pond?

 One of my favorite books in the world is one by Clarissa Pinkola Estes entitled Women Who Run with the Wolves. In her chapter "When the Heart is a Lonely Hunter", she tells us the story of Skeleton Woman, the girl who was thrown into the sea by her father. Rejected and discarded she rots at the bottom of the pond, becoming a fearsome thing of bone and hair. One day, a Fisherman comes along hoping to catch the biggest fish ever. He instead catches Skeleton Woman, and, seeing her bald head rise above the water as he pulls on his fishing pole, attempts to throw her back and run away as fast as he can. But, having been pulled from the water, Skeleton Woman seems to chase him wherever he goes. She's actually still attached to his fishing line which he still has attached himself. Eventually, the frightened Fisherman has an intuitive flash and heart opening and realizes that maybe the best thing to do would be to sing to Skeleton Woman instead of running away. As he does so her heart begins to beat again and she becomes the beautiful flesh and blood woman of his dreams.

Estes interprets the story to be about the Life/Death/Life nature of love; that though we may be out to catch the biggest fish ever, to find the pond that yields fish after fish forever, in order to find real sustenance and Love one has to sing to Skeleton Woman. In order to have Life, one has to also accept Death. And She is beautiful.

The naked young girl is the Fisherman but she is also the fish. She is a yet to be developed part of our own souls that wishes to retrieve herself. So, who is the naked young girl inside of us? What have we rejected about ourselves and/or what vulnerable part of ourselves do we put aside in order to catch the biggest fish?

Somewhere in our lives a new era is waiting to Dawn. But these are the rules: Experience things as deeply as you can. Recognize what your real needs are and own them. Love yourself madly, ESPECIALLY your "ugly" parts. Dance in the Moonlight. Know that "beautiful" doesn't necessarily mean “pretty” (and vice versa). And be willing to sing gently and lovingly to Skeleton Woman if her bald head emerges from the waves.

The Four-fold Way: An Approach to Performance

I've written what is below based on anthrologist and author Angeles Arrien's "Four Fold Way", a mode of being and practice that is harmony with the deep self and with Nature.

I teach this to my students as a way to approach performance. It is how I endeavor to approach performance. It is also an approach to LIFE!

The Four-fold Way:

1.       Show up:

be present in mind body and spirit.

2.       Pay attention:

Quiet the "noise" of the mind. Sense fully what is currently going on around you. Listen to your body and to the music, note by note. Do not go forward or back in time.

3.       Tell the truth:

 

Be authentic! Be where you are now, as opposed to where you'd like to be. Feel what you are really feeling; your body will always tell you how to do this. Dramatic art versus pretension.

 

4.       Be unattached to outcome: 

 

Staying fully in the present ensures the best outcome. Keep your mind focused on what you are doing, as opposed to what you will do or what you did do. Let go of judgment. Open yourself to life, be a medium for energy as opposed to controlling it. TRUST yourself fully and unconditionally!

 

 

"Theatre of the Dark Goddess: Bellydance with Aepril Schaile" DVD Fundraiser!

Theatre of the Dark Goddess: Bellydance with Aepril Schaile

A Bellydance instructional/performance DVD focusing on dance technique, form, expression, energy and ritual.

Aepril is thrilled to announce her new self-produced DVD to bring you her unique approach to Bellydance! Help make it happen!
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/aepril/theatre-of-the-dark-goddess-bellydance-with-aepril