Beauty, music, bellydance, the Dark Goddess, Nature, magick, ritual-theatre, death and love.

compendium of Aepril's communications on art, beauty, bellydance, the dark, faery tale, nature, magick, ritual, theatre, death and love. The talk of a priestess and shaman of the Dark Goddess.

Friday, September 2, 2011

4 years ago, Coda became spirit

Today is a special day. It's the four-year anniversary of Coda's passing into the world of spirit. This is always a very emotionally charged day for me. Coda's passing was difficult. Yet each anniversary I feel in awe of the powers of Nature, the beauty of impermanence, the importance of being here in the Now, like Coda was.

Mike and I spend the night of September 1 with the candles on Coda's altar lit. We tell each other stories about Coda, laughing and crying. I do most of the crying, Mike does a lot of comforting.

Today I spent the afternoon in the woods at the Ipswich River Wildlife Sanctuary. On the day of the anniversary, we spend the day doing things that Coda would've liked to do, like walking the trail and listening to the birds, the wind, and the flow of the river. I invite his spirit to join me if it is as he wishes. Certainly, he was with me today.

Grief and loss are unpredictable in that one can walk through life not feeling grief intensely, and then suddenly something comes along like an anniversary and it hits hard. Coda is never far from my thoughts, but these anniversaries are always very intense. He was my soul-mate. My Cerberus. My wolf-guardian. My child.

I let Coda 's spirit know that he is always loved, never forgotten, and never replaced.

I have resolved that I'm going to invite a new four-legged into our family. After four years, I am ready. We are thinking that we will do this around Yule/Christmas time. No one will ever replace Coda. But, I'm ready to open my heart to loving someone new.

Our time on earth might be finite, but Love is infinite.


  1. That's really beautiful, Aepril. Thanks so much for sharing.

  2. What a beautiful way to celebrate him! And good for you to open your hearts and home to another fur baby!

  3. Christina, Thank you! Yes, it has taken some time, but it will be good to have a new family member. :)

  4. Thank you for sharing a very private and difficult part of your life. We lost 4 Wolves/Wolf-dogs at the sanctuary last year and one very, special Wolf - Timber. There are days that I feel him and know that he is watching over the sanctuary and the other Wolves. Your celebration of Coda is so touching and real.

  5. It's been more than 2 years since I lost my Star. I still miss her intensely, but in a more peaceful way. The beautiful rescue I adopted a year ago has filled the dog-void in my life, but nothing can ever fill the Star-void. We were both blessed with amazing souls to share our lives for a time. Whatever 4-legged soul next finds the way into your life will be just as blessed.